How to Survive a trip to IKEA

blinkingkills:

kedreeva:

  • Never go alone- bring a partner. Travel in pairs
  • Before entering, ensure that someone not entering knows you are going in, and when you expect to be out
  • Before entering, determine the cause of your mission- your mission objective. Bookcase? Couch? Oven? Meatballs? Figure it out
  • Upon entering, locate The Path
  • Do not disengage from The Path until you have reached your mission destination. Many have been lost forever to the wilds of IKEA by not obeying this. Very few are ever located again by the sparse store employees.
  • Upon reaching your mission destination, you may disengage from The Path ONLY when accompanied by your partner (physical contact should be maintained- ie, holding hands, holding shirt sleeve, both holding an end of a rope, etc)
  • When you disengage from The Path to acquire the data for your mission objective (ie, the item number for the bookcase, couch, meatballs, etc), it becomes your partner’s responsibility to maintain visual contact with The Path. Much like weeping angel statues, The Path will move if not actively being watched. This will strand you and your partner in the wilds of IKEA, so ensure you choose a partner wisely.
  • Upon acquiring the mission objective data (ie the item number), navigate back to The Path. You may disengage physical contact with your partner once you have safely returned to The Path
  • Do not leave The Path again. It will naturally end at the warehouse/stock section. This is a long, huge hall with many branches.
  • At the entrance of the warehouse section, acquire a cart if necessary. Using your item coordinates, locate your mission objective. Do not leave the main hallway except for the branch where your item is located. Like The Path, the wilds of IKEA sometimes sneak up on travelers that wander the warehouse section
  • Once your item has been loaded, head to the check out section. Do not touch anything in the boxes along the way. They appear to be full of candles or stuffed animals or useful kitchenware; it is a ruse. They are carnivorous.
  • After checking out, exit to the loading area. Load your item, and leave.
  • Do not look in your rearview mirror as you leave. It shouldn’t pursue you if you don’t look back.

is this nightvale’s ikea what the hell

starborn-vagaboo:

yesmissmori:

THINX Underwear:

OH SHIT YOU GUYS THIS COMPANY IS MAKING UNDERWEAR THAT IS STAIN RESISTANT, ANTIMICROBIAL, AND WILL ABSORB UP TO 6 TEASPOONS OF LIQUID BUT STILL LOOKS FUCKING SEXY

AND DID I MENTION THIS PART:

For every pair of THINX you buy, you help one girl in the developing world stay in school by providing her with seven washable, reusable cloth pads.

AND WHY IS THAT SUCH A BIG DEAL? HERE’S WHY:

After doing some research, Agrawal says she found that more than 100 million girls in the developing world were missing a week of school because of their periods, and using things such as leaves, old rags, or plastic bags in the place of sanitary pads.

THE SIZES RUN FROM XS TO XXL AND THE PRICES ARE NOT INSANE, THEY’RE OBVIOUSLY HIGHER THAN THOSE 5 FOR $10 SALES AT TARGET BUT YOU WON’T HAVE TO THROW THEM OUT BECAUSE YOU MISCALCULATED YOUR FLOW AND BLED ALL OVER THEM BEFORE YOU COULD GET TO A BATHROOM

I’M SORRY FOR SHOUTING I’M JUST REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS

LIKE HOLY FUCKBASKET IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME

BUT WILL MY VAGINA BLEACH THEM

Reblogged from starborn-vagaboo

expostninja:

thiocyanatelife:

expostninja:

note-a-bear:

cumaeansibyl:

it’s funny, people will generally allow you to have an opinion on goods and services that you consume

like I’ve never seen anyone respond to, say, a negative review of a sofa with “if you don’t like it then go build one yourself”

and yet if you express the desire for more/better representation in media someone always shows up to tell you to write something yourself

Welp

I don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble, but I see people say “if you don’t like it you must be biased” literally all the time.

On the one hand it’s like, yes, they are, but on the super-large hand completely obscuring the other one it’s like WE’RE ALL BIASED YOU MORONS GODDAMMIT

"You didn’t present an objective opinion!"

Fall down a well.

HAVING AN OBJECTIVE OPINION IS IMPOSSIBLE

THEY ARE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE

"Well without one your argument is invalid."

thatonemexicanperson:

kookootegu:

hissssssss:

fimbry:

scalestails:

rainbowsnakes:

reptiliaherps:

"Most girls that like snakes and weird animals are ugly" pardon me while I put my snake on my face to demonstrate the several fucks that none of us give

Allow me to join you with my snake scarf and lack of fucks 





I don’t think I’d have a face left if I did what you guys were doing, but I want to play anyway.


don’t give even one tiny little fuck


NEIGH HOY MENOY

I was gonna reblog this either way but that last one made me want to reblog it even more

thatonemexicanperson:

kookootegu:

hissssssss:

fimbry:

scalestails:

rainbowsnakes:

reptiliaherps:

"Most girls that like snakes and weird animals are ugly" pardon me while I put my snake on my face to demonstrate the several fucks that none of us give

Allow me to join you with my snake scarf and lack of fucks 

image

image

I don’t think I’d have a face left if I did what you guys were doing, but I want to play anyway.

don’t give even one tiny little fuck

image

NEIGH HOY MENOY

I was gonna reblog this either way but that last one made me want to reblog it even more

Reblogged from literaryalchemist

expostninja:

note-a-bear:

cumaeansibyl:

it’s funny, people will generally allow you to have an opinion on goods and services that you consume

like I’ve never seen anyone respond to, say, a negative review of a sofa with “if you don’t like it then go build one yourself”

and yet if you express the desire for more/better representation in media someone always shows up to tell you to write something yourself

Welp

I don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble, but I see people say “if you don’t like it you must be biased” literally all the time.

On the one hand it’s like, yes, they are, but on the super-large hand completely obscuring the other one it’s like WE’RE ALL BIASED YOU MORONS GODDAMMIT